Archive for December, 2009

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Get Back Together With Ex Don’t Write Off the Relationship Just Because She Dumped You

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

Do you want to get back together with ex?  Don’t write off the relationship just because she dumped you.

Women are fickle creatures.  In 3 out of every 4 break ups, it is the woman who calls it off.  But, many times they’re open to re-establishing the relationship.  Breaking up may not have been a well thought out decision, but they are loathe to admit they are wrong and come back to you themselves.

Part of your job is to figure out what went wrong and change it.  If she was bored in the relationship, you need to spice things up.  If she was looking for a flashier guy, a makeover might be in order.  And, if you were too needy, you might just need to back off for a time.

Right now, if you want to get back together with ex, you need to show her that you are exactly the kind of guy she wants to date.

One of the ways to get back together with ex is to show her that you are an in demand kind of guy.  Every girl says she wants to be unique.  They look for “unique” styles.  But you will quickly notice that what they really want is a “unique” look that is just like all of their friends’ looks.

So, to become the in-demand guy, you have to start dating in-demand girls.  In fact, dating her close friends will actually make her want to get back together with you.

If you are uncomfortable dating people who might continue to be in your life after you get back together with your ex, you can at least flirt with them.  When you see your ex with a pack of her friends, don’t pay any attention to her.  Instead, lavish attention on her friends.  If she has a particularly plain friend, spend the most time with her.  That’s one way to get back together with ex.

Look at how she reacts to you when other guys are around.  When someone puts you down, does she stand up for you?  That is a good sign that she is still into you and will welcome you back into her life.

When you want to get back together with ex, you need to realize that there is a new power relationship at play.  You no longer belong to each other exclusively.  Instead, you are two independent spheres rotating around the other.

Many guys don’t realize that this power shift has occurred.  While they are down in the dumps about the break up, they don’t change their behavior pattern toward their ex.  This is a big mistake.

When you want to get back together with ex, you will take advantage of the shift in power.  You will woo her by changing the things that she doesn’t like about you or the relationship, become the in-demand guy that all girls want to date, and be a little bit unavailable to her.  If these things don’t work, she probably has moved on and you won’t have much hope of jump starting anything.

However, in almost all cases, because women are fickle creatures, you can get back together with ex.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Articles, Articles for Him | No Comments »

Want Ex Back – Changing What Went Bad to Get My Ex Back

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

You are home after a date with yet another guy.  It didn’t go well.  You find yourself saying I want ex back.

After a break up, you may move on to other people.  But, when you constantly find yourself thinking you want ex back, are there things you can do to rekindle an old relationship?

There are, and in this article, I present you with five strategies for when you want ex back.

First, clear your energy from other people.  Don’t invest time and energy in men who aren’t your ex.  For your old relationship to start working again, you have to prepare your mind, body and soul for him.  If you are flirting with another guy, dating other men, or even worse, sleeping around, you are not preparing the proper mindset for getting your ex back.

Next, keep your dignity.  Don’t chase your ex, flooding him with hundreds of text messages, calling him at odd times of day, or stalking him.  Also, you need to make him respect you and treat you well.  Don’t be a doormat.  You will only command your ex’s respect and love when you are yourself at your best.  Hold your head high.  You will increase your chances of getting back together with your ex if you do.

Third, make a list of the things you appreciate about your ex and spend some time dwelling on them.  Sometimes, a bad break up ends with all kinds of accusations.  Now that you have some breathing room, start to concentrate on his good points.  This is a good thing to do when you want ex back.

Next, when you get back together, try changing some of the circumstances.  Go to new places and try new things.  Take up a new hobby together.  Meet new people.  By changing the environment of your relationship, you have a better chance of making it work.  Don’t fall into the same old patterns of your relationship.  You may even want to tune your relationship down a notch.  If you were living together, try having separate places for a while.  If you were engaged, try just dating.  Don’t try to force your relationship back into old patterns.

Finally, create a shared sense of destiny.  While fate certainly plays a role in our lives, we are the ones who write our life script.  Map out with your partner where you want to go.  When you do this together, you create a mission with a place for both of you.

When you want ex back, you have to work with new scenarios.  Follow the advice in this article if you want ex back.

Tags: ,
Posted in Articles, Articles for Both | No Comments »

When Love Still Exists How to Win Ex Back

Monday, December 7th, 2009

Do you want to win ex back?  If you had a close, loving relationship with a man who later dumped you, you may want to get back together.  You have a lot of emotional investment in the relationship, and may not want to throw it away without an attempt to reignite the flame.  Here’s how to win ex back.

First of all, you need to analyze your own feelings.  Do you still care deeply about your ex?  Sometimes a great passion burns into being merely comfortable.  You don’t want to lose your ex because he’s like an old slipper.  But comfort doesn’t make a great relationship.  There has to be a great love.  If you still have passionate feelings for your old boyfriend, you can move onto the next step of how to win ex back.

And that next step is examining how he feels about you.  Does he have the same kind of grand love?  If the problems in the relationship were things you can work on – communication, time management, goal awareness – then you can win ex back.  But, if the problem was deeper – he was no longer in love with you – you should start to move on now.

When you have determined that this was a grand love, you can start to work on the things that can bring you back together.  For instance, think back to who you were when your boyfriend fell for you.  Perhaps you weighed 10 pounds less, had a more optimistic outlook on life, were close to your girlfriends, or were involved in a variety of activities.

After you spend time with a guy, you begin to change.  You spend less time with girlfriends or on your own activities as he begins to demand more of your presence.  You may have let yourself go because you feel secure in his affection.

If you want to win ex back, you need to go back to being the woman he fell in love with.

Another tip to how to win ex back is to practice detachment.  Don’t call, text, or stalk him.  You don’t want to appear desperate.  By  seeming to accept the situation, you actually become more desirable to him.

In practicing detachment, you also begin to focus on what makes you happy.  You get reconnected to friends and family.  You take up hobbies and other things which interest you.  You become a more positive person in general.  This all helps in win ex back.

When you do get together with your ex from time to time, use the past to your advantage.  For instance, if there was an outfit he really liked to see you in, wear it.  If you eat at a restaurant where you had a good time with him, mention that you were there again.  Because you have many positive experiences with this guy, you can use your common history to win ex back.

From time to time, invite your ex to non-committal type events.  Ask him to join a group of your friends at a bar or invite him to a party.  Let him know he’s free to bring a date.

Finally, if you want to win ex back, just be yourself.  Either he’s in love with you or he isn’t.  You can’t change who you are to win ex back.  You can only be yourself.

Tags: ,
Posted in Articles, Articles for Both | No Comments »

Five Most Important Things to Remember About Dating Girls

Monday, December 7th, 2009

Everyone does it. Not everyone loves it. Whether you enjoy dating or find it stressful and horrible, you know that if you are ever going to find the one person who can stop your dating life forever, you have to do it. Gentlemen, you simply have to date girls if you are ever going to find the perfect one for you. So, here is some good advice for you.

Successful dating can be broken down into the five most important things about dating girls.They are:

Girls are not guys.  They do not think it is fun to make noises by placing their hands under their armpits and acting like a winged creature. Even if they are drunk, they don’t like this. Save this type of behavior for guy’s night.

Girls are not guys. They do not think it is cool to brag about your previous relationship conquests. They do not want to know about the ditzy blonde who had nothing to say but had the most amazing rack ever created. Nor do they think it is great to have their guy greeted by every woman in the place. Take your date to a different place just to be on the safe side and never, never, never mention your ex-girlfriend.

Girls are not guys.  They do not like to see you show up at their door in your ratty old jeans with a cheap five-buck pizza in hand. Trust me on this one.  Maybe later – way later, like after the kids become teenagers – it will be okay for this kind of thing to happen. But for now, please, guys: take a shower, put on something nice like khakis and a pullover shirt, and have flowers in hand instead of greasy fast food.

Girls are not guys.  They do not love it when their date pulls out buy-one-get-one-free coupons at the restaurant cash register. There is nothing wrong with a bargain, especially in these tough economic times, but use those freebies when you go out with your mom (who will love your thriftiness) or your best buddy (who wouldn’t notice or care how you paid). Don’t make your date think that she is not worth full price.

Girls are not guys. They do not find burping and farting contests hilariously interesting and entertaining. Who can come up with most-silent-but-most-deadly one without any prior warning is nothing to be proud of, according to the female half of the population. Neither is it way cool to be able to belch out the melody to “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Again, save it for football night with the frat brothers.

Remembering the five most important things to remember about dating girls will take you farther than anything else when it comes to having a great time on your dates. The five most important things to remember about dating girls will also allow you to get more than one date with the same lady. There are lots of people who will offer you lots of advice about dating, and even some who will simply say, “Be yourself.”

That is not terrible advice, but trust me, if being yourself includes any of the forbidden behavior in the five most important things to remember when dating girls list, don’t be yourself. Be better.  Remember these five most important things about dating girls and have a better dating life.

Tags:
Posted in Articles, Articles for Him | No Comments »

He Dumped Me. How Will I Ever Survive?

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

If you are saying “he dumped me.  How will I ever survive?” mere words in an article will not give you comfort.  It may help to know that while you’ve broken up, you are not a broken person.

When you’ve been in the position that “he dumped me,” you have two fears.  The first is that you will never recover from the pain.  The second is that no one will ever love you again.

Take heart, dear.  The fear is real.  The pain is real.  But, the situation exists in your head, not in the real world.  While one part of your life may be over, your life is not over.

You still have friends and family who care about you.  In fact, you now have more time to spend with them.  Many times, when you get into an involved romantic relationship, we lose touch with the other people who bring meaning to your life.  You now have a chance to reconnect with them.

In fact, sharing your loss with them may encourage them to share their break up experiences with you.  When you say, “he dumped me,” that allows them to be vulnerable about how they’ve been hurt.  You will begin to see that your pain is not unique.  You will also be able to see that other people have lived full and complete lives after a break up.

In addition to having more time for others who you care about, you will have more time to work on the issues in your life.  Many times, when you are in a relationship, the activities you care about get pushed aside if your boyfriend isn’t interested in them.  This is a good time to get re-involved in the things that matter to you.

If no particular activity comes to mind, then maybe you need to get a hobby!  No, really, when you say “he dumped me,” what you tell yourself is that you are worthless.  When you take up a new activity and invest in yourself, you prove to yourself that you matter.

There are all kinds of activities you can get involved with.  The best thing to do is to join a group, class, or workshop.  For instance, joining a hiking club will let you meet lots of people who enjoy the great outdoors.  A ballroom dancing class will introduce you to people who enjoy the finer things in life.  A writer’s workshop will be filled with creative types.

As you begin to re-engage with the world, you will lose the sense of desperation you felt when he dumped you.  You will make new friends who share a common interest.  And, you may even meet someone special to spend your time with.

The truth is that you will find someone to date again.  Your soul mate is out there.

Your ex may have done you a favor by breaking up with you because now you have a chance to find someone who fits you better.

And, always remember, the best revenge when “he dumped me” is moving on!

Tags:
Posted in Articles, Articles for Her | No Comments »

Getting Over Break Up – Steps of Recovery

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

Are you getting over break up right now?  Do you hurt so bad that you feel like your heart is going to explode?  Do you want to see the other person one minute and want to kill them the next?  That is all par for the course when you are getting over break up.

Just as there are stages of grief when mourning someone who has diet, there are also steps that must be taken when getting over break up.  One woman whose first husband died and second husband divorced her said that it was actually easier getting over the death of a husband than it was recovering from divorce.  That is because there’s societal support when someone dies, but you are supposed to go about getting over break up on your own.

The first thing you should do is sit down and write a long letter to your ex.  Pour out your heart.  Share the experiences you had together.  Tell him or her why you loved them.  Put on paper how you feel about the break up.  Call them names.  It’s okay to emote in this letter because no one is ever going to see it.  That is because you are going to light a candle and burn the letter over the candle’s flame.  There are not many rituals that go along with breaking up, but this one can help you on the road to emotional recovery.

Next, you need to arrange to exchange stuff.  If you have been in a relationship of any length, you probably have some stuff of his at your place and he’s got your things at his.  You probably want much of this stuff back and he or she is equally eager to get theirs.  Work out a time for a mutual exchange.

If there are things of your ex’s that aren’t going to be exchanged, either box them up or throw them away.  Don’t leave your ex’s toothbrush lying around the bathroom because it will only remind you of them as you are trying to go about getting over break up.

It is also a good idea to box up any gifts your ex gave you for a time.  Wearing a watch that your ex gave you will make you think of them every time you check to see what time it is.  That’s just not a good idea when getting over break up.

There are sometimes financial matters that need to be straightened out when getting over a break up.  If you owe your ex money, try to either pay it off from your own funds or get another loan to pay it off.  If you have a checking account together, work out how you are going to divvy it up and then go to the bank to close it.

What you should be seeing is a pattern of closing out the parts of your lives that you shared.  This is essential to getting over break up.

After you have done what is necessary, agree to have no contact for thirty days.  This will allow you to start building separate lives.  You shouldn’t call, text, email, or meet the other person during this time.  You may even want to agree that some places such as a specific bar or even a given church “belong” to one party or the other during this month long period.

After you have had time to begin building a separate life, you will be able to interact more normally once again.  This is a difficult time, so give yourself the space you need in order to go about getting over break up.

Tags:
Posted in Articles, Articles for Both | No Comments »

I Lost Love – Every Relationship Has a Time Line

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

When I think about how I lost love, I think about Alfred Lord Tennyson’s quote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  When I lost love, I felt the whole world had collapsed around me.  I’m sharing my story in order to help you if you too have lost the love of your life.

I think it is important to remember that every relationship has a natural lifespan.  In Junior High, that’s about four days.  As we get older, the lifespan increases.  But, there are certain relationships that are right for a period of time and then go awry.  Most of us will only have one great love in our lives.  The other relationships will terminate.  That’s why when I say I lost love, I understand that this is a natural process.

In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship.  Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment.  As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.

But there is something significant about having separate places.  I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level.  I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.

Now, I know I handled the situation badly.  I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand.  Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me.  I lost love over the events of one night.

But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment.  I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in.  I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.

I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex.  But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate.  Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time.  I loved her.  I still love her.  But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.

I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong.  I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things.  Sure, I understood that I had hurt her.  But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.

I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were.  But, every relationship has to grow or die.  Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die.  In every relationship, there is a time to die.  And, for me, this was it.  That’s how I lost love.

Tags: ,
Posted in Articles, Articles for Both | No Comments »

How Get Your Ex Back? What To Do When Shes Dumped You?

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

How get your ex back?  This is the lament of every guy who has ever been dumped.  Did you know that in three quarters of break ups, it is the girl who calls the whole thing off?  Guys generally want to stay together with their girlfriends.  This article is about how to get ex back.

First of all, you have to determine whether she did you a favor by dumping you.  Too often, guys stick with girls out of inertia.  It is easier to stay in an okay relationship than go out and look for a really good one.  If you don’t feel that the girl who dumped you was your soul mate, consider that her calling things off might be a blessing in disguise.

If this is not the case and you still want get your ex back, read on.

The next step is to determine whether she loves you.  Girls can be fickle.  They are much more likely to act impulsively and then have regrets about what they did.  If you think she still loves you, you have a good chance at ho get your ex back.

In this case, you have to make her come to you.  Many guys call their ex’s numerous times, send hundreds of texts, and exhibit other such stalkerish behavior.  This just pushes their girlfriends away.

Instead, seem like you are accepting of the break up.  Move on.  Date other girls – especially girls in her circle.  By making her come back to you instead of the other way around, you will go about how get your ex back.

During this time, you should analyze whether you have changed from the many she first fell in love with.  Often, guys try to impress girls up front.  But, once they have slipped into a comfortable relationship with their girlfriend, they slag off.  For instance, are you still working out as often as you did?  Toward the end, were you still opening her car door, buying her flowers, and generally romancing her the way you did at the beginning of the relationship?  These things can make a big difference in how get your ex back.

When you do see your ex girlfriend, subtly remind her of your common bonds.  If you are going to go to a party where you know she’s going to be, wear a shirt she gave you.  If she has a favorite cologne, wear it.  And, when you talk, bring up the positive things in your past.  Don’t beat her over the head with them, but make her nostalgic about your common history.

Invite her to non-committal type of events.  If a group of friends are going to the beach, ask her to come along.  Begin seeing her in social settings once again.  When she comes along, pay some attention to her, but spend your time with your friends and other girls too.  When she sees that you are an attractive catch, you’ve already won half the battle of how get your ex back.

So, that is how get your ex back.

Tags:
Posted in Articles, Articles for Him | No Comments »

How to Get Over Guy – The Steps for Moving On

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

Are you having trouble get over guy?  Whether he dumped you or you broke up with him, letting go of someone who you had a close relationship is very difficult.  There is a space in your heart as well as a space in your life that are not quickly filled with anything or anyone else.  Yet, people do get over a relationship.  Here are five steps to get over guy you still like.

First, you need to let out the hurt.  Know that it is okay to cry when you are trying to get over guy.  Some people keep a journal of their experiences because writing about the pain helps.

One thing that I have seen some people do that is very effective is to write a long letter about the relationship to their ex boyfriend.  Talk about the good times and bad.  Talk about the relationship and how he hurt you.  Let it all out.  When you have finished the letter, burn it.  That’s right.  Don’t even think about sending it to your ex.  Instead, let flames consume the letter.  That provides excellent closure to the relationship.

Next, you have to decide that the relationship is really over.  If you hold on to the thought that he will change and come back to you, you will never get over guy and move on.

Do something that symbolizes the finality of the end of the relationship.  A good example of this is to exchange all of the personal property that you have of the other’s.  Don’t even keep the oversized t-shirt of his that is so comfortable for sleeping in.  And, if there are things to minor to exchange (like a toothbrush), throw them away.  Clear your place of all of his things.  It is a way of clearing him from your life.

You need to depend on your friends through this time.  Until you meet your husband, guys will come and go, but your girlfriends are forever.  If you have been in a hot and heavy relationship, you may have inadvertently ignored your friends for a time.  Not only will your girls help you get over guy, but reconnecting will be good for your social life.

Also, your girlfriends will have had similar experiences to your break up.  Sharing their pain will help you understand that, however bad the hurt you are experiencing, others have survived and you will too.

You will probably have extra time on your hands now that you have broken up.  You used to spend a lot of time with your ex.  Use this time productively to get over guy.  Go to the gym and get your body in shape.  Take up a new hobby.

One of the best things you can do during this period is to join a group or a class.  Not only does a class take up the time you would have spent with your ex, but it also introduces you to a new circle of friends.

And, that brings me to my last point, when you want to get over guy, the best thing you can do is move on.  Between your old friends, the new friends you make in your class or hobby, and the activities you do to fill up your time, you will emerge as a new person.

Moving on is the best way to get over guy.

Tags:
Posted in Articles, Articles for Her | No Comments »

Get Guy Back – A Gals Guide to Making Up

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

How do you get guy back?  How do you convince him that what the two of you had together was special?  This is your “get guy back” gal’s guide to making up.

First of all, you have to recognize that whatever happened, you were both at fault.  If you cheated, he wasn’t giving you what you needed so you looked elsewhere.  If he cheated, you were the one not giving what he needed.  Yes, the cheater is morally culpable for the cheating.  The moral responsibility does not lie with the person who was cheated upon.  But the fault lies in both party’s laps.

Given that, it is important to forgive and forget.  True forgiveness means that you let go of all of the anger related to the incident.  You never bring it up again.  You never let it cloud your relationship.  If you cannot do this, you won’t get guy back for any period of time.

If you were the person at fault, apologize – and mean it.  Too many times, after people say “I’m sorry,” there’s an “Oops I did it again,” moment.  You’re not Britney Spears.  It’s not cute.  When you say you are sorry, you have to commit to changing.  Otherwise, you don’t mean it and you won’t get guy back.

Be prepared to chase him a little bit.  This doesn’t mean sending him hundreds of text messages or stalking him, but you have got to show him that you are still interested if you want to get guy back.  You can’t expect him to come running back just because you have sent out some modest signals that you are ready to re-start the relationship.  Put your ego in check and put your heart on the line.

You may have to settle for something less than you wanted.  It may be that he is only ready to be friends when you want a full fledged boyfriend.  It may take time to rebuild the trust.  If this is the case, you need to give him the space he needs to get to know you again.  Accept that you have to take what he is offering right now if you want to eventually get guy back.

Finally, you have to know when to give up on the get guy back strategy.  Sometimes, you just have to move on.  If your boyfriend is unable to forgive you, you are in a position where the best thing you can do is move on and enter into new relationships.  While this will break your heart right now, it may be the best thing that could have happened to you.  Whatever went wrong in this relationship, your soul mate is still out there.  Get guy back may stop you from meeting him!

Tags:
Posted in Articles, Articles for Her | No Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »