Archive for February, 2010

How To Win Ex Girlfriend Back – Let Her Make The First Move

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Do you know how to win ex girlfriend back? Let’s look at the situation with Tom and Sheri.

Shari was busy one night and Tom went to a party alone. It was stupid, but he started to make out with one of Shari’s friends there. Shari, of course, heard about it and had a dramatic confrontation with Tom.

“I never want to see you again,” she said. “I am so out of here.”

Tom’s devastated. He knows he was wrong, but he wants to know how to win ex girlfriend back. He misses Shari.

The first thing Tom needs to do is sincerely apologize. This is not just a quietly mumbled “I’m sorry” either. He needs to realize what he did wrong, figure out why he did it, decide whether he will ever do it again, and most importantly, communicate all of this honestly to Shari.

At this point, Tom should stop. The ball is now in Shari’s court.

Tom shouldn’t call Shari. He shouldn’t email, text, or comment on her wall. He shouldn’t send flowers or candy.

What he should do is let her make the next move. She is 100 percent in control here. If Tom goes out to score, he’s going to lose her. If he wants to know how to win ex girlfriend back, he needs to be planning for the next step not focusing on the present.

At some point, Shari will initiate contact. There are many pretexts for doing this. For instance, she may be mad and want to exchange all personal property. Or, she could be missing him and just want to talk.

At this point, Tom needs to make his move. He needs to show her that he’s the one.

He should put the incident behind him. Tom should only bring up what happened if she does first.

Otherwise, he should talk about the positive memories that they have had together. He should bring up specific incidents that were special for the two of them.

For instance, he could say, “I was walking around downtown and I saw the restaurant we went to on our first date and I thought of you.”

If he keeps it casual, he can talk about missing her. “I miss the way you laugh at my corny jokes,” is a good line. Telling her that he can’t imagine life without her is a bad one.

If she’s receptive, and she probably will be (why else is she calling?) Tom should suggest a casual get together. For instance, he should ask her to meet him for coffee or something similar. A half hour mini-date might get things back on track for them.

If he plays it right, he will have found the right solution to the how to win ex girlfriend back dilemma.

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Get Guy Back When You’re In A Bad Position

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

Traci wanted to get guy back.  She wasn’t in a good position to do so however.  She had accused her ex, Cory, of flirting with her best friend.  Traci knew that Cory was just being friendly, but she was having a bad day and she took it out on Cory.

Now Traci is contrite and she wants to get guy back.  Unfortunately, the guy doesn’t want to be gotten back.  He wants nothing further to do with Traci.  What’s a girl to do?

First of all, Traci needs to apologize.  This needs to be a sincere apology.  If he doesn’t want to listen to her, she should write a note.

There are three components to a genuine apology.  First of all, there is a recognition that what she did was wrong.  Then, there is an introspection as to why she did it.  Finally, there is a commitment to not do it again.

For instance, Traci needs to say “Brian, I was wrong to accuse you of flirting with Sandy.  I was feeling insecure for a number of reasons that had nothing to do with you and I snapped.  I realize that I hurt you badly and I’m sorry.  In the future, I will be careful not to lash out at you when I’m feeling crummy about myself.”

Next, she needs to sit back and allow Brian to process what she’s said.  This may just take a few minutes or it could take days.  If he’s not initially receptive, she should not contact him until he contacts her.  That means that she shouldn’t call, email, or text him.  She shouldn’t engage him on social networks.  She shouldn’t send him gifts or letters.

She should also avoid having friends intercede for her.  Having a friend contact Brian would be the same thing as Traci contacting him herself and there is always the possibility that the friend could (deliberately or not) miscommunicate the message.

Instead, Traci should wait for Brian to contact her.  He will, eventually, if only to get his stuff that she has back.  This is Traci’s opportunity to strike.

She should keep things light.  She shouldn’t go overboard and tell him how much she’s missed him or how sorry she is about the situation.

Instead, she should bring up some of the positive experiences they’ve shared.  If that goes over well, she can talk about the little things that she’s missed such as his smile or the way he always holds the umbrella when it rains.  Then, she should suggest they meet for a not-date date such as a short get together at a coffee shop.

If he is agreeable to coffee, they can discuss more weighty matters.  She can apologize again at that point and recommit to not making the same error again.  At that point, she can say that she misses having him in her life and would like to get back together.

Traci has let Brian blow off any steam he had about the incident.  She has also given him both time and reasons to want her back.  At that point, she doesn’t have to do much work to get guy back.

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Win Love Back – Allow Your Ex Time & Space

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

Do you want to win love back?  The key is allowing your ex to have a little bit of time to figure out what they want from the relationship.  Tim and Rhonda learned this from Tim’s friend Joe.

Rhonda stormed out of Tim’s apartment one day saying she never wanted to see him again.  Tim was stunned.  All he could think about was how to win love back.

He called his buddy Joe and asked whether he should send flowers or candy.

“Neither,” Joe said.  “And don’t call, email, or text her either.”

Tim was stunned by this advice.  He wanted to win love back right away before Rhonda had a chance to “look around” and find someone better.

But Joe told Tim that giving Rhonda the space to “look around” was just what she needed.  There was a small chance that she would go forever, but the probability was that she would settle down and come back to him.  She must come to the conclusion that their relationship was special on her own terms.

Further, Joe advised, it would be bad if Tim looked too desperate.  This gave Rhonda the upper hand in many ways.  It would lead to further grand gestures in the future.  If he wanted to get the relationship back on track, Tim needed to give Rhonda space.

Tim and Rhonda both had a lot invested in the relationship.  They had been together 18 months and had even talked about marriage.  This was why it was such a blow to Tim when Rhonda walked out.

But Tim took Joe’s advice, as painful as it was, and waited for Rhonda to call.  It took her four days, but she finally contacted him.

The first thing she wanted to know was “why didn’t you call me?”  He told her “I was waiting for you to call.  I knew you needed space.”

He was right, and she knew it.  She actually appreciated the fact that he hadn’t called.  She knew that he had found a way to win love back.

As they talked about hwere their relationship had been and how to get it back on track, they discovered that one of the problems was that they had been crowding one another.  The thought of getting married had been suffocating.

So, they decided to back off.  They would still see each other exclusively, but they would make more time for friends and solo activities.  They wouldn’t talk about marriage again for six months.

Tim restrained himself from pursuing Rhonda when she needed space.  This allowed her to reevaluate her relationship with him on her own terms.

She initially thought that he would call her all the time.  She was actually surprised that he didn’t.  But, because he refrained from contacting her, she was able to see what her life was like without him in it.  And, it wasn’t as pleasant as she had imagined it would be.

So, if you’re determined to win love back, keep in mind that sometime what is needed is a little space.

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Does Conflict Affect Men More – Relationship Psychology

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

In trying to overcome conflicts in a relationship, psychology may help us understand why men and women react differently. If you are dating or in a marriage, there are going to be arguments from time to time. What can make things worse is if the two people’s ways of dealing with conflict cause them to make things worse. Many marriages have turned to marriage counselors and those who aren’t married will still seek out relationship advice. Most counseling will help you realize some things that may help each understand how the other party thinks.

There was a study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health which showed that most couples who had been together for only a couple of months between the ages of 18 and 21 avoidedintimacy and being dependent on their other half. They also showed levels of anxiety concerning being rejected or abandoned. Those tested all exhibited different degrees of the anxiety over being abandoned. Of course those who were more secure in themselves had lower levels and others, depending on how they dealt with anxiety and thought about abandonment, reacted differently as well.

What was interesting in the testing was how differently the results were in both men and women. The ones researching relationship psychology using these subjects found that in their physiological reaction to relationship conflict, the reaction in men was more easily noticeable. Most of the reaction was increased anxiety for the majority of men while only those women who are the more avoidant types showed any real changes.

Women are more likely to want to guide a conversation in trying to resolve conflict in a relationship. Psychology shows them to be, in this situation, the ones actively working to get the situation resolved. While they were showing increased levels of cortisol before and during the confrontation, the levels dropped significantly. They showed that getting the conflict over quickly was more physiologically satisfying.

Men, however, showed to be more passive in conflict resolution. While there was evidence that they, too, wanted the conflict to be resolved they weren’t anxious to confront the conflict head on. Those men who had female partners who were more secure showed lower levels of anxiety. Women showed no change in their levels of anxiety whether their male counterpart was secure or not.

When you seek out relationship advice, whether you go to family therapy or psychologists, they are going to try to help you understand how men and women react differently. The above research on studying the effects of conflict in men and women will help you know why the react the way that they do in the relationship. Psychology and physiological research will help you deal with conflict better.

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How To Become A B*tch

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

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