Traci wanted to get guy back.  She wasn’t in a good position to do so however.  She had accused her ex, Cory, of flirting with her best friend.  Traci knew that Cory was just being friendly, but she was having a bad day and she took it out on Cory.

Now Traci is contrite and she wants to get guy back.  Unfortunately, the guy doesn’t want to be gotten back.  He wants nothing further to do with Traci.  What’s a girl to do?

First of all, Traci needs to apologize.  This needs to be a sincere apology.  If he doesn’t want to listen to her, she should write a note.

There are three components to a genuine apology.  First of all, there is a recognition that what she did was wrong.  Then, there is an introspection as to why she did it.  Finally, there is a commitment to not do it again.

For instance, Traci needs to say “Brian, I was wrong to accuse you of flirting with Sandy.  I was feeling insecure for a number of reasons that had nothing to do with you and I snapped.  I realize that I hurt you badly and I’m sorry.  In the future, I will be careful not to lash out at you when I’m feeling crummy about myself.”

Next, she needs to sit back and allow Brian to process what she’s said.  This may just take a few minutes or it could take days.  If he’s not initially receptive, she should not contact him until he contacts her.  That means that she shouldn’t call, email, or text him.  She shouldn’t engage him on social networks.  She shouldn’t send him gifts or letters.

She should also avoid having friends intercede for her.  Having a friend contact Brian would be the same thing as Traci contacting him herself and there is always the possibility that the friend could (deliberately or not) miscommunicate the message.

Instead, Traci should wait for Brian to contact her.  He will, eventually, if only to get his stuff that she has back.  This is Traci’s opportunity to strike.

She should keep things light.  She shouldn’t go overboard and tell him how much she’s missed him or how sorry she is about the situation.

Instead, she should bring up some of the positive experiences they’ve shared.  If that goes over well, she can talk about the little things that she’s missed such as his smile or the way he always holds the umbrella when it rains.  Then, she should suggest they meet for a not-date date such as a short get together at a coffee shop.

If he is agreeable to coffee, they can discuss more weighty matters.  She can apologize again at that point and recommit to not making the same error again.  At that point, she can say that she misses having him in her life and would like to get back together.

Traci has let Brian blow off any steam he had about the incident.  She has also given him both time and reasons to want her back.  At that point, she doesn’t have to do much work to get guy back.

How do you get guy back?  How do you convince him that what the two of you had together was special?  This is your “get guy back” gal’s guide to making up.

First of all, you have to recognize that whatever happened, you were both at fault.  If you cheated, he wasn’t giving you what you needed so you looked elsewhere.  If he cheated, you were the one not giving what he needed.  Yes, the cheater is morally culpable for the cheating.  The moral responsibility does not lie with the person who was cheated upon.  But the fault lies in both party’s laps.

Given that, it is important to forgive and forget.  True forgiveness means that you let go of all of the anger related to the incident.  You never bring it up again.  You never let it cloud your relationship.  If you cannot do this, you won’t get guy back for any period of time.

If you were the person at fault, apologize – and mean it.  Too many times, after people say “I’m sorry,” there’s an “Oops I did it again,” moment.  You’re not Britney Spears.  It’s not cute.  When you say you are sorry, you have to commit to changing.  Otherwise, you don’t mean it and you won’t get guy back.

Be prepared to chase him a little bit.  This doesn’t mean sending him hundreds of text messages or stalking him, but you have got to show him that you are still interested if you want to get guy back.  You can’t expect him to come running back just because you have sent out some modest signals that you are ready to re-start the relationship.  Put your ego in check and put your heart on the line.

You may have to settle for something less than you wanted.  It may be that he is only ready to be friends when you want a full fledged boyfriend.  It may take time to rebuild the trust.  If this is the case, you need to give him the space he needs to get to know you again.  Accept that you have to take what he is offering right now if you want to eventually get guy back.

Finally, you have to know when to give up on the get guy back strategy.  Sometimes, you just have to move on.  If your boyfriend is unable to forgive you, you are in a position where the best thing you can do is move on and enter into new relationships.  While this will break your heart right now, it may be the best thing that could have happened to you.  Whatever went wrong in this relationship, your soul mate is still out there.  Get guy back may stop you from meeting him!