Posts Tagged ‘Relationship’

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Long Distance Relationship Advice

Sunday, June 13th, 2010

Maintaining a healthy long distance relationship can be a challenge.  It takes two mature people who are able to communicate in order to make it work.  It will also take some sound long distance relationship advice, and that’s where I come in.

In this article I’ve outlined some of the things that you can do to make your relationship not only survive, but thrive.  I’ve also compiled a few of the most common problems couples face and how to avoid falling into the same traps in your relationship.

One of the first things you and your partner need to do to ensure the continued strength of your relationship is to make sure you are both on the same page.  Make sure you agree on whether or not you have an exclusive relationship. If one partner thinks it’s ok to date while you are apart and the other one is staying monogamous, the relationship is doomed from the start.

For the most part, a couple won’t even contemplate a monogamous long distance relationship unless both parties feel the relationship has the potential to be  a long term one.  There is no sense making this type of commitment unless you both feel that the other person might be ‘the one’.

Another thing you and your partner need to do is make sure you have good communication skills.  When you are far away from each other for extended periods of time, and you can’t have physical contact, you will have to rely solely on your communication skills to continue to build your relationship.

That is why long distance relationships, when they last, are some of the best relationships around.  The couple has to learn to communicate effectively to make it work, and they don’t get distracted by all the physical attraction. They are able to connect on a deeper level which can often lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

If you are an insecure person, though most people won’t admit it if they are, you should avoid getting involved in a long distance relationship.  Being in this type of relationship requires a great amount of trust, typically people who are insecure see a threat everywhere, even where there isn’t one.

If you and your partner are overly suspicious, not only will your relationship be a constant battle, it will also be unlikely to work.  No good relationship can be based on suspicion and insecurities.

You and your partner also need to be careful of the temptation to have a ‘fling’ with someone while away from your partner.  Unless you both agree in advance that some extracurricular activity is ok (and if that’s the case why bother pursuing a long distance relationship in the first place) than you should stay faithful to your partner.

If you want to maintain your long distance relationship you have to know ahead of time that it will be a challenge and you and your partner both have to be committed to making it work, but if you follow my  long distance relationship advice you and your partner have a real shot of having a great, long term loving relationship.

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Openness To Healing Relationships

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

So many times people will find themselves in a relationship that used to be good, loving, and strong.  But somehow, somewhere, things changed.  Now they want to get that loving relationship back.  The first thing is making sure there is an openness to healing relationships.

Most relationships that have broken down have done so over a period of time and usually because of hurts, many of which have been small.  These hurts have accumulated over a period of time, though, and now they’ve taken on a life of their own. Over time we tend to shut ourselves off from our partner because we don’t want to be hurt anymore.  Once that happens you will need to make sure you can open up again and attempt to heal the relationship.   Before you decide that you are going to fix your broken relationship you have to make sure that you are willing to open yourself up to the possibility of more hurt.

And, it’s not just about you either.  Is your partner willing to open up and work on the relationship?  Many times one partner is more interested in salvaging the relationship than another.  If that’s the case and your partner has made it clear, either by what they’ve said or their overall attitude, that they have no interest in working very hard to save the relationship, you might as well call it quits. You can’t do it all yourself and you can’t force your partner to try.

If, on the other hand, you both agree that you will try to work on the relationship the first thing you’ll both need to do is look at yourselves.  You need to look at yourself and your partner needs to look at themselves. You are trying to honestly figure out what part you’ve played in the breakdown of the relationship and whether or not you will be committed to making the changes necessary to fix it.  Again, both of you have to admit their part in the break down of the relationship as well as be willing to try to change their behavior.

After all that the next thing you will both need to do is talk to each other.  This doesn’t mean yelling, intimidating, or getting mad.  It means and open, adult discussion about how you are feeling.  You each have to be able to honestly speak your mind and explain what you think has happened, how you think it can be fixed, what you are willing to do to help fix it, and how you are feeling overall.

This step is vitally important and potentially very dangerous.  This is the part where someone could get hurt feelings and that could lead to a big blowout.  In order for this to work, it’s crucial that you both give the other person time to talk, and not get mad or defensive about what they have to say.

If you are sure you and your partner really have an openness to healing relationships, and you’re wiling to work on the steps I’ve listed here than the two of you will have a real shot at getting back to a place in your relationship where you can be happy to be together, and happy to be ‘back to normal’.

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Healing Relationship Wounds

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

If you are facing the difficult task of  healing relationship wounds you will need to be wiling to really invest some time and effort.  You can fix your relationship but it won’t necessarily be quick and easy, and you won’t be able to do it all on your own.

There are many steps you will need to take to repair your broken relationship.  A lot of what you will have to do will depend on what broke the relationship in the first place.  It’s usually not just one or two things and it usually takes a long time and a buildup of many smaller issues that eventually tear down your relationship.

Finding the cause of the break down is the first thing you will need to do in order to come up with a ‘game plan’ to fix it.  You wouldn’t expect your mechanic to fix your car without first knowing what was wrong with it, would you? The same principle applies to your relationship.

Not only will you need to figure out what went wrong you will need to honestly figure out what part you played in it.  That can be very hard for most people.  No one wants to admit they’ve been wrong or made mistakes.  But you can’t fix it until you know what is broken, so you will have to honestly, maybe brutally honestly, evaluate the way you’ve behaved in the relationship and what things you’ve done, or said, that might have contributed to the break down.

And yes, what you have said can play just a big a role in a broken relationship as what you’ve done.  Never forget that words can wound and those wounds are often the hardest ones to heal.

Once you’ve figured out the mistakes you’ve made you will need to determine if you’re wiling to invest the time needed to fix them.  If you can’t make a 100% commitment to changing your behavior than you might as well end the relationship right now.  There’s no point in dragging you and your partner through further pain.

Another thing you will need to honestly consider is whether or not your partner will be willing to work on the relationship too.  No matter how sincere you are and motivated to make changes, it will take both of you working together to get things back to a good place.  You can’t do it all alone, and neither can your partner.  If you aren’t both committed to making it work, it’s also time to move on.

Something else you will need to consider is that if you save your relationship it will never totally be ‘back the way it used to be’.  That doesn’t mean it can’t still be good, it can.  It just means that whatever the two of you have gone through has left some scars, those will always be there.

Keep these things in mind when you are  healing relationship wounds.  If your relationship is truly worth saving, and your partner is willing to meet you half way and work on it, you can fix the relationship and even make it better than it was before, it’ll just take some time…and lot’s of love.



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Does Conflict Affect Men More – Relationship Psychology

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

In trying to overcome conflicts in a relationship, psychology may help us understand why men and women react differently. If you are dating or in a marriage, there are going to be arguments from time to time. What can make things worse is if the two people’s ways of dealing with conflict cause them to make things worse. Many marriages have turned to marriage counselors and those who aren’t married will still seek out relationship advice. Most counseling will help you realize some things that may help each understand how the other party thinks.

There was a study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health which showed that most couples who had been together for only a couple of months between the ages of 18 and 21 avoidedintimacy and being dependent on their other half. They also showed levels of anxiety concerning being rejected or abandoned. Those tested all exhibited different degrees of the anxiety over being abandoned. Of course those who were more secure in themselves had lower levels and others, depending on how they dealt with anxiety and thought about abandonment, reacted differently as well.

What was interesting in the testing was how differently the results were in both men and women. The ones researching relationship psychology using these subjects found that in their physiological reaction to relationship conflict, the reaction in men was more easily noticeable. Most of the reaction was increased anxiety for the majority of men while only those women who are the more avoidant types showed any real changes.

Women are more likely to want to guide a conversation in trying to resolve conflict in a relationship. Psychology shows them to be, in this situation, the ones actively working to get the situation resolved. While they were showing increased levels of cortisol before and during the confrontation, the levels dropped significantly. They showed that getting the conflict over quickly was more physiologically satisfying.

Men, however, showed to be more passive in conflict resolution. While there was evidence that they, too, wanted the conflict to be resolved they weren’t anxious to confront the conflict head on. Those men who had female partners who were more secure showed lower levels of anxiety. Women showed no change in their levels of anxiety whether their male counterpart was secure or not.

When you seek out relationship advice, whether you go to family therapy or psychologists, they are going to try to help you understand how men and women react differently. The above research on studying the effects of conflict in men and women will help you know why the react the way that they do in the relationship. Psychology and physiological research will help you deal with conflict better.

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Relationship Rescue – Work To Save Your Relationship

Monday, January 18th, 2010

If you are wanting to keep a marriage or relationship afloat and aren’t willing to give up on it then you may need some relationship rescue. There are many books about it and lots of advice given from friends and counselors. There are marriage therapists to go to for counseling but most everyone will end up saying the same things and will not give you sound advice to take action on.

The best things that you can do in any relationship rescue is to aim at being honest and accept one another. Doing both of these may be difficult if you aren’t willing to accept the fact that much of the blame in the difficulties of the relationship is shared. Own up to your own flaws and accept that there may be some truth to the complaints that your significant other has of you. If you want the other party in your relationship to change things you must realize there are probably things that you need to change as well. If you want them to keep an open mind about things that you wish for them to work on then you must do the same.

True love will require compromise many times. You must be able to bend your will and give up some things to make the relationship work. If there is going to be a relationship rescue taking place. Both parties need to take a hard look at themselves and see what things they need to give up and work on to be more compatible.

The largest part of any relationship rescue is to change your perspective. For many people perception is a reality, but it may be a false reality. Something may seem like the worst situation in the world but then, after a change in perspective, it may not seem all that bad at all. People have a way of blowing things out of proportion. In relationships this is especially true. Quite a bit of marriage counseling deals with this bit of relationship management. Look closely at the situations from different angles. Your spouse/partner may seem like they work too much but could it be worse? Yes, they could be hopelessly unemployed and struggling to find work or, worse yet, a bum. Also ask why certain things are being done instead of jumping to conclusions.

Talk through things and when things are settled, drop them and move on. Much of the problems that relationships face is due to the fact that there is someone in the relationship, or maybe both in the relationship, who hold on to grudges. Don’t let that happen. If there were things that happened in the past that have been dealt with, then let them go. When you do have discussions or arguments don’t bring up the past. Deal with the present. Don’t don’t fight battles more than once.

If you are truly willing to see your relationships rescue, these ideas will help you and the one you love breath new life into your relationship

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With A Strong Relationship Depression Can Be Beat

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

The only thing worse than going through depression is being in a relationship with someone who is showing signs of relationship depression. It is difficult to watch them go through this dark period of life. Many relationships end because of it because there doesn’t seem to be any end to it and it begins to wear on both people in the relationship.

Depression makes people think irrationally and causes them to be blind to the good things in life, like you. They will make you feel like everything you do to try and make their world a little better is a wasted effort. It isn’t, though.

The fact that you are there beside them means more to them than you will ever realize. They wouldn’t blame you for leaving and will sometimes try and make the decision easier for you. They don’t really want you to leave, though. They want you to be with them and help if you can.

The first thing that you can do to help them deal with their depression is to understand it. Educate yourself about this mental disorder. Seek out to find what causes it. It could be because they lost a job or did something that brought on a feeling of failure. There are many reasons that it could have started but one thing is certain, even if you are in a strong relationship, depression, once it has begun can snowball.

You will need to make sure that you take care of yourself in this relationship. Depression, gone unchecked, can be contagious. When you are learning about depression make sure that you are watching for signs that you may be exhibiting. If you are then you should be quick in seeking help from psychologists or counselors. Once both of you start falling into depression it may be impossible for either of you to see the light of day. When you start getting worn down because of the weight of it all try and take some time to step back away from it and take care

A past relationship and depression sometimes go hand in hand. When a relationship has failed it is easy to feel like every relationship after that is doomed to fail. Once someone begins feeling that way they will many times turn their current relationships in to a failed one. If this has begun to happen it is important to get relationship advice from marriage counselors and work with them to prevent it. This is not the only reason that marriages or dating relationships fail while one is in depression. Just the strain will cause it to suffer. Seek relationship advice from trained professionals as much as possible.

Above all, do not give up. Believe that you can help them overcome their depression and believe that the effort you are making matters. There are few things more powerful than what can come from a strong relationship. Depression is a tough foe but it can be beaten when the one you love has you to depend on. With a strong relationship depression can be beat.

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Always There, Anytime, Relationship Advice Online

Monday, January 11th, 2010

If you are having problems in your marriage or dating life, you may find the relationship advice online that you need. There are plenty of great helps available to you but there is also a lot of people who will give bad advice on your marriage, harmful dating tips that will leave you single. You can get bad relationship advice online that will help you break up when your goal is marriage. You can also find great advice that will help you find the person of your dreams or get out of relationship that is bad for you.

There is an advantage to going to get high priced relationship advice from marriage counselors or psychologists but they may not have the best solutions. It is good to get advice form as many sources as possible. You should be able to talk to close friends and family who know the situation well, but they may be biased. Sometimes it is good to get dating tips marriage advice from an anonymous source to help you get an objective answer to your questions.

The great thing about seeking out relationship advice online is there are people and answers available 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. You may have something that has just happened thatmay cause you to break up. Instead of just laying in bed staring at the ceiling you can be getting online and asking for advice so that you can avoid breaking up. There are experts at giving relationship advice that have written countless articles pertinent to your situation. You might even be able to find counselors online who are willing to help you out.

If there are questions that you are too embarrassed to ask of people you know, you will find the Internet to be a great place to ask questions while retaining a level of anonymity. The great thing about it is you can ask for advice in secret. No one has to know what you are thinking about.

If you are single and wanting to find that special someone, you will be able to find great dating advice online. You may also be able to find that special someone on the internet as well. Many have found the love of their lives while trying to find answers to their questions online. Go through reputable services if your goal is to find someone. Go with the ones that have a great reputation of not only matching people up but of screening those interested in relationships.

You can find great advice online but it should only be a part of your search for answers. Question that advice you get and ask others what they think about it. Look for second opinions both offline and online. Be sure, though, that any time you need it, if you look in the right places you can get good relationship advice online anytime you need it.

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Get Back Together With Ex – How To Rekindle The Relationship

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

Are you looking for help to get back together with ex? Do not write the relationship off completely simply because he or she dumped you. If you really want to get back together with ex, you can get the results you seek with some hard work and understanding.

In relationships, people can be truly fickle. For example, in 75 percent of all relationships, the woman calls the relationship. More often than not however, they are also open to re-establishing things.

Breaking up may not have been a decision that was thought out well, meaning that your significant other may be willing to rekindle things if you give it enough time.

If you really want to get back together with ex, you need to prevent yourself from giving up, writing things off or responding badly to the situation at hand. Bad things happen, but there are resolutions and not every break up means the permanent end to the relationship.

Part of the process of learning how to get back together with ex is to figure out what it is that went wrong so that you can change those things and move on. If you do not fix these things, then the relationship is never going to be capable of being rekindled, or else the same bad things will happen again.

Was she bored in the relationship? Was he looking for more space? Find out what the problem was and find a way to change things. If you really want to get back together with ex, you need to show your ex that you are the person that he or she really wants in life.

One of the ways that you can figure out how to get back together with ex is to show your ex that you are in demand, that you are moving on and that you are satisfied with life rather than dwelling on the past. This will show your ex that you can be mature and happy, and it may just remind them how much they need and want you.

Go out and have some fun with your friends and show your ex that you can live without him or her, and you may just help them remember how much they want to be with you, which is a great way to learn how to get back together with ex.

When you are serious about wanting to get back together with ex, you need to realize that making things work is about doing the right things and rekindling the right feelings and emotions. There is a power shift that needs to occur, and you need to restore the balance in order to make things comfortable enough again that you can get back together with ex.

You can learn how to get back together with ex, you simply have to be patient and willing to listen to the right advice in order to make it happen.

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Should You And Your Ex Get Back Together – Rekindling The Relationship

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

Should you and your ex get back together? This is an age old question that every couple asks themselves when they come to the point of a break up. If you truly do want to get back together with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend, then the first thing that you are going to have to do is spend a little bit of time soul searching.

You are going to have to decide whether or not it would be good for your ex get back together with you. Should you and your ex get back together? It is going to depend on what will make you truly happy.

This is also going to depend on whether or not you guys are going to end up walking down the exact same path as before. Can you address what problems occurred that caused the relationship to fail in the first place so that you can prevent it from happening again.

It is really easy for you to only think about the good times when a break up occurs. If you are going to answer the question, “Should you and your ex get back together?”, you are going to need to be able to think about the entire situation objectively, including both the good times and the bad.

In reality, most relationships are definitely worthy of being saved. There are a few, however, that are unworthy of putting effort into attempting to save. So, should you and your ex get back together? It is going to depend on how much time you spent being happy with one another and how much time you spent fighting, disagreeing or having problems?

If the relationship was characteristically unstable, then it might be a good idea not to rekindle things.

So, should you and your ex get back together? Maybe not.

If you should get back together, then, you should know that pestering your ex or cramming yourself down their throat is not going to make things better. In fact, the best thing that you can do is step back, give your ex some time, and do your own thinking about the situation before you make anything happen.

Do not plead, argue or beg your ex to get back with them, because desperation is never attractive and will only make everything significantly more difficult for you.

Stop beating yourself up over breaking up with them, even if you regret doing whatever it was that led to the break up in the first place, because the past is the past and it is time to focus on the here and now.

Should you and your ex get back together? It’s time to play it cool so that you can wait and see. Don’t rush into anything, push anything or act with desperation, because this will undo your ability to rekindle things with your lost love.

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Get Back Together With Ex Don’t Write Off the Relationship Just Because She Dumped You

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

Do you want to get back together with ex?  Don’t write off the relationship just because she dumped you.

Women are fickle creatures.  In 3 out of every 4 break ups, it is the woman who calls it off.  But, many times they’re open to re-establishing the relationship.  Breaking up may not have been a well thought out decision, but they are loathe to admit they are wrong and come back to you themselves.

Part of your job is to figure out what went wrong and change it.  If she was bored in the relationship, you need to spice things up.  If she was looking for a flashier guy, a makeover might be in order.  And, if you were too needy, you might just need to back off for a time.

Right now, if you want to get back together with ex, you need to show her that you are exactly the kind of guy she wants to date.

One of the ways to get back together with ex is to show her that you are an in demand kind of guy.  Every girl says she wants to be unique.  They look for “unique” styles.  But you will quickly notice that what they really want is a “unique” look that is just like all of their friends’ looks.

So, to become the in-demand guy, you have to start dating in-demand girls.  In fact, dating her close friends will actually make her want to get back together with you.

If you are uncomfortable dating people who might continue to be in your life after you get back together with your ex, you can at least flirt with them.  When you see your ex with a pack of her friends, don’t pay any attention to her.  Instead, lavish attention on her friends.  If she has a particularly plain friend, spend the most time with her.  That’s one way to get back together with ex.

Look at how she reacts to you when other guys are around.  When someone puts you down, does she stand up for you?  That is a good sign that she is still into you and will welcome you back into her life.

When you want to get back together with ex, you need to realize that there is a new power relationship at play.  You no longer belong to each other exclusively.  Instead, you are two independent spheres rotating around the other.

Many guys don’t realize that this power shift has occurred.  While they are down in the dumps about the break up, they don’t change their behavior pattern toward their ex.  This is a big mistake.

When you want to get back together with ex, you will take advantage of the shift in power.  You will woo her by changing the things that she doesn’t like about you or the relationship, become the in-demand guy that all girls want to date, and be a little bit unavailable to her.  If these things don’t work, she probably has moved on and you won’t have much hope of jump starting anything.

However, in almost all cases, because women are fickle creatures, you can get back together with ex.

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